So How Much For Thinner Thighs These Days?

Well, at Marshall's, about $12.99, as I discovered yesterday. My brother is getting married at the end of the summer; this announcement in my younger days would have set me eagerly out to the store looking for a snazzy dress. These days, in an effort to both downsize and save my pennies, I try to avoid such activities, so I wandered over to my closet and pulled out some of the more likely suspects to try on. I don't attend fancy functions often, so the dresses that I've purchased for said functions have hardly been worn. Unfortunately, these dresses were purchased by a younger, childless (and thus thinner) me.

I have one that I really like, and would work for the wedding, but my thighs and backside were really trying to talk me out of it. As previously mentioned, I am a big fan of infomercials, and have been seeing ones for "shaping garments" lately. Hmmmmm....I could use some shaping. So, I toddled off to my local Target and attempted to try some on. Apparently this is not allowed at Target, and you're just supposed to be able to visualize through your powers of ESP what they'll look like, so I put them back and continued on to Marshall's. Anything seems to go at Marshall's, so I tried on and came home with these:

They look startlingly like bicycle shorts, but do a surprisingly good job. They're about as comfortable as wearing bicycle shorts under a dress possibly can be, and seemed to do the trick.

I must admit to being awestruck in the "shaping garments" section, one which I had not ventured into before. Apparently you can tuck, squeeze, or enhance pretty much anything you want. I was sorry I hadn't brought my camera, because the pants with buttocks implants were fabulous (obviously not for me, but for some poor soul with tiny buttocks) and rather indescribable with mere words. I wonder if the inventors of spandex knew what the ramifications of all their hard work would be?